THE VOTERS of West Dorset will be faced with a positive cornucopia of erudition when they make their final choice next Thursday.
Three out of the five, a massive 60%, of the candidates have the title Doctor before their name. Can any other constituency in the land boast of such an educated bunch set before them?
For a start there’s the workers’ best friend, Red Steve Bick, a local GP and a man who claims he can cure all of the ills of the nation. If pills and potions could do the trick he ought to win by a landslide, sadly…
As it is he could sort you out from top to bottom from alopecia to haemorrhoids, any ailment – he can do the trick.
The other two docs are not the sort you would want checking your blood pressure, giving you a swift flu’ jab or gazing up your rectum but doctors they remain nevertheless.
Auntie Sue Farrant holds a PhD which she gained at London University. It is in Rural Sociology and Gender Studies, neither have I, not a clue. I can only assume that she knows a wattle and daub peasant’s shanty when she sees one and can spot the difference between a bull and a cow at 10 paces.
Then there’s Big Ollie. He also holds a PhD, his was awarded at the London Business School so obviously he’s not just a bit of a banker but a highly qualified one at that. How reassuring.
Smiler Chisholm is just plain mister but, no doubt, knows his onions, provided that they are not Spanish, of course.
The Green Susan Greene is also undoctored but most probably holds qualifications in cycle maintenance, knitting with yoghurt and goat husbandry.
My word, it is going to prove a difficult choice on the day, so far I am undecided. I can’t ever remember being faced with a selection of worthies like this at election time before. Almost mind boggling. Perhaps I should lie down in a darkened room and see a doctor. Any recommendations?
Editor’s Note: Candidates standing for West Dorset in the 2010 General Election campaign are Dr Oliver Letwin (Conservative), Dr Sue Farrant (Liberal Democrat), Dr Steve Bick (Labour), Oliver Chisholm (UKIP) and Susan Greene (Green).
Candidates’ names
I think all parties should adopt the Greens’ strategy of having the candidate name themselves after the party they are supporting. Which would make it much easier for us undecideds.
Oliver United etc
Sounds fair enough to me Banjo but Smiler would end up with a bit of a mouth full though. Still, he shouldn’t have joined if he can’t take a joke.
This is what you could have won
Come election night it’s going to sound as if the Returning Officer has a stutter so we’ll get Susan Greene Green. Alternatively they could adopt a more casual tone. “And this Steve is what you could have won….” cue house with tennis court etc. More fitting given this general election is being decided by Somewhere Over the X Factor there’s some Talent-style popularity contests.
A Day at the Races
Can’t think why, but this clip from A Day at the Races sprang to mind:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-quEW0w0R7c
If you look closely, you will see one of the West Dorset election candidates in a former life as Chico.
Lib Dems busy
Two Lib Dem leaflets today. One AM and one PM. Loads of pics, but not a glimpse of Lofty Bonaparte, the local Mayor. Another from the Raving Loonies – they seem to have air-brushed old Smiler out of the picture completely.
Race hotting up!
Just seen Tim Harrap on Twitter saying he’s had fifth piece of election literature from the Lib Dems. “Obviously very keen to challenge Dr L”.
Smell my wallflowers
And in the thick of it all, the Jehovah’s Witnesses called at my house today. They were very nice and even asked permission to smell my wallflowers. It may be code for ‘burn in hell, unbeliever’ but they were very pleasant.