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West Dorset General Election: Not 1, not 2, but 3 doctors

THE VOTERS of West Dorset will be faced with a positive cornucopia of erudition when they make their final choice next Thursday.

Three out of the five, a massive 60%, of the candidates have the title Doctor before their name. Can any other constituency in the land boast of such an educated bunch set before them?

For a start there’s the workers’ best friend, Red Steve Bick, a local GP and a man who claims he can cure all of the ills of the nation. If pills and potions could do the trick he ought to win by a landslide, sadly…

As it is he could sort you out from top to bottom from alopecia to haemorrhoids, any ailment – he can do the trick.

The other two docs are not the sort you would want checking your blood pressure, giving you a swift flu’ jab or gazing up your rectum but doctors they remain nevertheless.

Auntie Sue Farrant holds a PhD which she gained at London University. It is in Rural Sociology and Gender Studies, neither have I, not a clue. I can only assume that she knows a wattle and daub peasant’s shanty when she sees one and can spot the difference between a bull and a cow at 10 paces.

Then there’s Big Ollie. He also holds a PhD, his was awarded at the London Business School so obviously he’s not just a bit of a banker but a highly qualified one at that. How reassuring.

Smiler Chisholm is just plain mister but, no doubt, knows his onions, provided that they are not Spanish, of course.

The Green Susan Greene is also undoctored but most probably holds qualifications in cycle maintenance, knitting with yoghurt and goat husbandry.

My word, it is going to prove a difficult choice on the day, so far I am undecided. I can’t ever remember being faced with a selection of worthies like this at election time before. Almost mind boggling. Perhaps I should lie down in a darkened room and see a doctor. Any recommendations?

Editor’s Note: Candidates standing for West Dorset in the 2010 General Election campaign are Dr Oliver Letwin (Conservative), Dr Sue Farrant (Liberal Democrat), Dr Steve Bick (Labour), Oliver Chisholm (UKIP) and Susan Greene (Green).

8 Responses to “West Dorset General Election: Not 1, not 2, but 3 doctors”

  1. Banjo

    Candidates’ names

    I think all parties should adopt the Greens’ strategy of having the candidate name themselves after the party they are supporting. Which would make it much easier for us undecideds.

  2. The Red Bladder

    Oliver United etc

    Sounds fair enough to me Banjo but Smiler would end up with a bit of a mouth full though. Still, he shouldn’t have joined if he can’t take a joke.

  3. Banjo

    This is what you could have won

    Come election night it’s going to sound as if the Returning Officer has a stutter so we’ll get Susan Greene Green. Alternatively they could adopt a more casual tone. “And this Steve is what you could have won….” cue house with tennis court etc. More fitting given this general election is being decided by Somewhere Over the X Factor there’s some Talent-style popularity contests.

  4. The Red Bladder

    Lib Dems busy

    Two Lib Dem leaflets today. One AM and one PM. Loads of pics, but not a glimpse of Lofty Bonaparte, the local Mayor. Another from the Raving Loonies – they seem to have air-brushed old Smiler out of the picture completely.

    • Jonathan Hudston

      Race hotting up!

      Just seen Tim Harrap on Twitter saying he’s had fifth piece of election literature from the Lib Dems. “Obviously very keen to challenge Dr L”.

  5. Maddie Grigg

    Smell my wallflowers

    And in the thick of it all, the Jehovah’s Witnesses called at my house today. They were very nice and even asked permission to smell my wallflowers. It may be code for ‘burn in hell, unbeliever’ but they were very pleasant.

  6. Leon Edwards

    If I dare vote Green

    I’ve only had three de-foresting leaflets from the Lidl Dems (don’t forget it was down to them that Bridport had the store endorsed) – most of which are taken up with telling me that my/our opinions don’t count unless we vote for them or the Tories. What?! Sue Farrant was quoted in the Echo saying how good it was that voters had a real choice with 5 candidates but then says it’s really only two, and that if I dare vote Green it will be my fault if she doesn’t get in! I’m sorry – but you moved here to get this job, you get your face in lots of photos ‘campaigning’ (read standing in front of a building / field / bunch of other people, either smiling or frowning depending on the situation) and you don’t have a right to be our MP just because you are a political hack. How democratic is it to argue that we shouldn’t vote for the smaller parties because they haven’t got a chance? If nothing else, it may save hard-to-raise deposits, but, more importantly, if the only way to register your particular passion/motivation/principles is with an occasional ‘X’ on a bit of paper, then at least make it count for that.

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