THE VOTERS of West Dorset will be faced with a positive cornucopia of erudition when they make their final choice next Thursday.
Three out of the five, a massive 60%, of the candidates have the title Doctor before their name. Can any other constituency in the land boast of such an educated bunch set before them?
For a start there’s the workers’ best friend, Red Steve Bick, a local GP and a man who claims he can cure all of the ills of the nation. If pills and potions could do the trick he ought to win by a landslide, sadly…
As it is he could sort you out from top to bottom from alopecia to haemorrhoids, any ailment – he can do the trick.
The other two docs are not the sort you would want checking your blood pressure, giving you a swift flu’ jab or gazing up your rectum but doctors they remain nevertheless.
Auntie Sue Farrant holds a PhD which she gained at London University. It is in Rural Sociology and Gender Studies, neither have I, not a clue. I can only assume that she knows a wattle and daub peasant’s shanty when she sees one and can spot the difference between a bull and a cow at 10 paces.
Then there’s Big Ollie. He also holds a PhD, his was awarded at the London Business School so obviously he’s not just a bit of a banker but a highly qualified one at that. How reassuring.
Smiler Chisholm is just plain mister but, no doubt, knows his onions, provided that they are not Spanish, of course.
The Green Susan Greene is also undoctored but most probably holds qualifications in cycle maintenance, knitting with yoghurt and goat husbandry.
My word, it is going to prove a difficult choice on the day, so far I am undecided. I can’t ever remember being faced with a selection of worthies like this at election time before. Almost mind boggling. Perhaps I should lie down in a darkened room and see a doctor. Any recommendations?
Editor’s Note: Candidates standing for West Dorset in the 2010 General Election campaign are Dr Oliver Letwin (Conservative), Dr Sue Farrant (Liberal Democrat), Dr Steve Bick (Labour), Oliver Chisholm (UKIP) and Susan Greene (Green).